


At Best You'll Find a Little Remedy

by NerdyFangirling



Category: The Letter for the King (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Gratuitous flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Jussipo Lives (The Letter for the King), Jussipo-centric, M/M, Pining Jussipo, aka an entire chapter of flashbacks, and Piak adoring Foldo pre-canon too, because galavant slaps, blatant galavant reference, classic case of out of the frying pan into the fire right here, does it count as a fix-it if Piak dies instead?, featuring Foldo and Jussipo as friends pre-canon, sorry not sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23485402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyFangirling/pseuds/NerdyFangirling
Summary: Just as Jussipo expected to feel the sword pierce his stomach, he saw his nightmares manifested. Piak crumpled to the ground in front of him, blood already staining his clothes. It was nothing but muscle memory that kept him fighting as the sight replayed itself over and over again in his mind. Distantly, he heard Foldo yell Piak’s name and saw him run over, taking out anyone who stood in his way. He cradled Piak in his arms, aware enough of his surroundings that he knew they needed to get out of there if his brother was going to survive.Based offthis postwhere Piak dies instead of Jussipo. SorryTitle from Hozier's To Noise Making (Sing)
Relationships: Foldo/Jussipo (The Letter for the King), Jussipo & Piak (The Letter for the King)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 64





	1. Feelin' You Slip Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like quarantine, binge watching, and burying the gays to make me ignore my multiple assignments and like 5 stucky wips to write this instead. Would you believe this was originally meant to be a cute one shot of Foldo and Jussipo staying up talking all night?
> 
> The first couple of chapters are pretty centred around Jussipo and Piak but I promise there are some Folsippo moments too
> 
> Some things to note in this almost-canon au:  
> \- Tiuri still has powers because Lavinia having them made no sense given that they'd spent the last 5 episodes establishing that magic was purely Eviellan  
> \- also Lavinia isn't in it at this stage because there's no reason for her to have come back (technically also no reason for her to have left but shh)
> 
> Not beta read so all mistakes are my own :)
> 
> Chapter title comes from Come Home by Sons of Zion

Time seemed to slow as the blade was thrust towards Jussipo, yet there was still not enough of it to block the blow. They say your life flashes before your eyes as you die but all Jussipo saw was the end, drawing ever nearer. He’d once claimed to be able to make a song of any situation but he wasn’t sure he could with this. Here, there was no hope draw on.

Just as Jussipo expected to feel the sword pierce his stomach, he saw his worst nightmares manifest themselves in front of him. Piak crumpled to the ground, blood already staining his clothes. It was nothing but muscle memory that kept him fighting as long as he did while the sight replayed over and over again in his mind. Distantly, he heard Foldo yell Piak’s name and saw him run over, taking out anyone who stood in his way. He dropped to his knees and cradled Piak in his arms, aware enough of his surroundings that he knew they needed to get out of there if his brother was going to survive.

As he carried Piak up the stairs behind them, Arman and Foldo covered him, knocking the remaining red riders unconscious. Jussipo saw it all happening, registering none of it. All he could focus on was getting his brother to safety.

He kept carrying Piak away, well away from where they’d fought, lest the knights come to find them. It was only when Foldo put a hand on his shoulder, whispered to him that they had gone far enough, that he stopped. As gently as he could, he lay Piak on the ground and took his hand, not willing to let go of him entirely yet.

“Everything will be okay,” he heard Foldo saying, though whether it was to him or his brother Jussipo wasn’t sure. He felt a hand on his shoulder again, this time followed by a hand on his cheek. This time he looked up at Foldo when he started talking. “Jus, hey. Look at me. I know you’re scared but so is Piak. We have to make sure he’s alright, yeah? It’ll be okay, but you’ve got to work with me here.”

He nodded and did his best to steel himself. Showing Piak how scared he was would just scare his brother more. What they needed was to reassure him until Tiuri was finished with the King and they could get help. With a deep breath, Jussipo tore his eyes from where they’d drifted to Foldo dressing Piak’s wound with makeshift bandages torn from his shirt and did his best impression of his usual self.

“You’re really trying to steal my thunder here, huh Pipsqueak?” It was hard to smile, and he wasn’t sure how well he pulled it off, but the corner of Piak’s mouth twitched up so it can’t have been too bad. “First you tag along on my quest, now this?” Jussipo shook his head, pretending he was disappointed, not horrified and plagued with guilt. After all, he had been the one who let Piak come with them.

“Thank god we didn’t let him bring his bloody lute with him, can you imagine the song he’d be coming up with right now?” Jussipo looked up to see Arman, the hint of a smile on his lips matching the hesitantly teasing tone of his voice. From Arman, that was as good an apology as he was going to get for now, and that was okay. At least they were all on the same side now.

Much to Jussipo’s indignation, Foldo joined in. “Honestly, I’m surprised you agreed to part with it for so long given how reluctant you were to let me hold it last night.”

Jussipo scoffed. “It’s a good thing I don’t have it here. Even  _ I _ can’t play with one hand - we’d be forced to listen to your sorry attempts.”

“I’m sorry, what was that? Did you just admit that there’s something related to playing the lute that you can’t do?”

Jussipo was already reaching over to shove Foldo with his free hand when Arman added, “Can we get that in writing?” He shoved Foldo into Arman.

“I’ll take this chance to remind you that I often admit that I can’t play it badly.” Even though his voice was still watery, Jussipo appreciated the way the others were distracting him and Piak.

He felt Piak squeeze his hand. When he looked down at his brother, he saw him grinning as best he could, mischief in his eyes like it so often was. It broke Jussipo’s heart that he might not see it again. “Yeah, but this time is different. This time you were telling the truth.”

Jussipo floundered, and turned to Foldo for back up, only to find him and Arman laughing. He pointed an accusatory finger at Foldo. “What are you doing? After everything we’ve been through, and this is how you repay me? At least try to back me up here.”

Foldo just shrugged at him.

“Alright, alright, I can take a hint. Shut up.”

Eyebrows raised, Foldo held up his hands in surrender. “Didn’t say anything.” He went to shove Foldo again but this time wrapped his free arm around him as he rocked back to his original position.

The teasing between the group lulled, and Jussipo found himself starting to dwell on their situation again. As if he could sense Jussipo’s change in mood, Foldo started talking again, telling Piak all about how he would probably make a better knight than Jussipo, Arman pitching in every time Foldo faltered. Just as they exhausted one topic, the two other novices would bring up another one, never giving Jussipo a chance to think too much about what was happening - to them, to Tiuri, to the world. And if Jussipo didn’t have time to think about it, he didn’t have a chance to get scared.

So he let himself be distracted, teased, baited. He let them say what they wanted and joined in as much as he could. If he was distracted then Piak would be too, and he needed Piak to know he was going to be okay. Because he had to be. Sure, the pipsqueak was annoying, but it wasn’t like Jussipo wasn’t annoying right back. He barely remembered what life was like without him, and wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

He was pulled from his thoughts by Piak’s voice, a shaky, barely-there whisper. “Sippo… what’s-” he was staring straight behind them, back down the corridor they’d come from. “What’s making that shadow? And why is it moving like that?”

The three novices looked at each other. A boy on the brink of death seeing shadows wasn’t a good sign but there was no way any of them would let Piak realise that. Intending to humour his brother, Jussipo looked over his shoulder. Instead of the empty corridor he’d expected to find, he saw a black mist seeping towards them. It was like nothing he’d ever seen before - almost unearthly. All he could think was that Tiuri must have failed. One look at Arman and Foldo told him they were all thinking the same thing. None of them knew what would happen once the mist reached them, but they knew it couldn’t be good.

As they turned back to Piak though, Foldo wore a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Haven’t I ever told you the story of the moving shadows?” When Piak shook his head faintly, Foldo continued. “Well, this would be better with your brother’s lute to set the scene of course, but I think we can manage, right?” This time Piak managed a slight nod and a smile.

“It all started with a little boy called Teunis. He lived in a small village, in a cottage with his mother, father, and brother. Teunis loved stories and make-believe and would often spend hours sitting in his room pretending he was living in another world. What his family never realised though, was that he wasn’t always pretending.

“One day, while he was playing with his toys, Teunis thought he saw a shadow in his room moving. He was a smart boy though, and brushed it off, hearing his family’s voices in his head, telling him it was nothing. A few seconds later, he saw it again. This time, he couldn’t ignore it. Keeping as still as he could, Teunis watched and waited. Sure enough, it happened again, only now the shadow wasn’t just flickering. It seemed to be beckoning him towards it.”

A glance behind them showed the mist creeping ever closer. Foldo looked at Jussipo briefly before turning his attention back to Piak. “Carefully, so as not to disturb whatever was in the shadow, Teunis shuffled closer. The shadow shuffled closer to him in return. Just as they were close enough that Teunis could touch it if he reached out, he stopped.

“Peering into the darkness, he saw that it was swirling about like it was alive. Smart as he was, Teunis knew not to trust everything he came across - especially the unknown - so he did what kids do best. He asked a question.

“ “Why are you in my room?” asked the little boy.

“The shadow slowed its movements, before answering in a voice that sounded like multiple voices, layered on top of each other. “We saw that you like to make up your own worlds. We like to make new worlds. You could work with us, you could live in a world of your making.”

“Teunis hesitated. Living in one of his made-up worlds sounded fun, but the best part of his made-up worlds was always coming back to the real world, the one with his mum and his dad and a brother to play with. Besides, even if he went to a made-up world, how would he choose which one to go to?

“He told the shadow voices his worries and they put them to rest, assuring him that he could return home or make new worlds whenever he wanted to. Satisfied with their answer, Teunis agreed to go with the shadows into his make-believe world. It was exactly as he had imagined, and he played there all afternoon.

“When he got back home, he rushed to tell his family about it. Despite his excitement, nobody believed him. His parents chuckled and patted his head, praising his imagination. Even his brother, who so often played with him, didn’t quite believe him. Insisting that it was true, Teunis promised to bring his brother with him next time the shadows came.

“True to his word, as soon as he next saw the moving shadows, Teunis told them to wait and ran off to find his brother. When they made it back to his room, his brother saw the swirling shadows and realised that Teunis had been telling the truth. Teunis held tight to his brother’s hand, told him to think of his favourite world of theirs, and stepped into the shadows. Turning around, he saw a look of wonder on his brother’s face. Here they were, really standing in their made-up world.”

When Jussipo turned around, he could see that the mist was starting to get closer to them. Piak didn’t seem to have noticed, too distracted by Foldo’s story. Although it wasn’t quite the same as his other stories - it was far less scary so far and he didn’t seem to be telling it with his usual confidence - even Arman looked curious to know what would happen next.

“The boys spent all morning in their world, only leaving when their stomachs started to hurt from hunger.” Foldo’s eyes briefly went wide and darted down to Piak’s torso before he took a shaky breath and continued. “As they ate their lunch, they told their parents all about their adventures. Their parents were still reluctant to believe them, but over the next few weeks, the boys began to tell all their friends about it.

“Soon, all the children in the village knew about the magical moving shadows. They could take you anywhere you wanted, as long as you believed in them. All you had to do was touch them.”

As he looked back at the mist this time, Jussipo met Foldo’s eyes. The mist had almost reached them now and Jussipo might just love Foldo for what he’d done. Even if the rest of them knew what the mist really meant, at least Piak wouldn’t die scared. He’d always believed them when they told him that all of Foldo’s stories were true and was still young enough not to suspect that this one was any different. He wouldn’t realise that Foldo made this one up on the spot, just to reassure him.

Suddenly, the mist began to retreat rapidly. When Piak looked between them all, the question  _ why _ clear in his eyes, it was Arman who shrugged and told him that the shadows must have sensed that he was too tired and left, even if Piak was happy to play. It still shocked Jussipo every time Arman said or did anything kind like that. Apparently the new and improved Arman was going to take some time to get used to. Not that he wanted the old Arman back.

Never one to miss an opportunity to tease Arman, even if the face of death, Jussipo shook his head. “You had to go and ruin it for us, didn’t you? Some of us want to go to worlds where nobody doubts our lute skills but no. Now poor Foldo will never know what it’s like to be good at playing.”

Foldo laughed, albeit shakily. “Oh that was what  _ I _ wanted was it? Not you?”

The three of them kept up a steady stream of bickering and banter for another few minutes before they heard someone coming. Head whipping around, Jussipo was relieved to see that it was Tiuri rounding the corner. He looked exhausted, but he was alive.

Piak looked up at him. “Did we win?”

It clearly took effort for Tiuri to smile back, but he managed it as he replied with a question of his own. “How could we not?”

Tiuri knelt down next to Piak and hovered his hands above his wound. Face contorted in pain, light flowed from his hands and around Jussipo’s brother. Eyes wide, Piak stared at his wound. Blood was still oozing out, but he seemed to be breathing easier. He looked up at Tiuri, seemingly too awestruck to notice the toll it was taking on him.

“You can heal with your magic too? It doesn’t even hurt anymore!” The last part was directed at Jussipo, delivered with a grin - a proper one, not one watered down by pain.

Tiuri looked up at Jussipo, his breathing shallow. He managed to force out the words, “I’m so sorry. I don’t think, I can’t-” before he collapsed.

Jussipo’s eyes immediately whipped back to his brother. The magic was fading from around him and the life was fading from inside him but he was still wearing a smile. The smile would never leave his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- ok so I have a headcanon that when Piak was little he couldn't pronounce the letter J properly so he used to say Sippo instead of Jussipo and even though he mostly says Jussipo now he still sometimes reverts back to Sippo when he's tired/emotional/only with family  
>   
> \- it didn't really come into this chapter too much so I'll probably mention it after the next chapter too but I also headcanon that Foldo and Jussipo were friends before the events of tlftk based mainly off that One Time that Foldo told a story and Piak and Jussipo already knew what to expect from his storytelling  
>   
> \- also not very relevant but I feel like Jussipo would have been really fidgety while they waited for Tiuri because pretty much every other time he had just come from a stressful situation/was in one but wasn't actively doing anything (like fighting) in the show he had his lute and started playing so I feel like without it he wouldn't know what to do with his hands. I was gonna write it into the chapter but since it's more of an unconscious tick I decided not to


	2. When We Were The Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn’t count how many times he had shoved him away, told him to bugger off, wished he wouldn’t hang around so often. He couldn’t count how many times he regretted it now.
> 
> Foldo’s hand on his shoulder brought Jussipo back to the present. Someone was trying to move Piak away from him. He shrugged off Foldo’s hand and clung to his brother. All those times he’d wanted nothing more than for his brother to go away and here he was, doing everything he could to keep him close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some actual Folsippo content in between the angst here folks! (Also a Galavant reference because that show slaps)
> 
> I am 100% supposed to be working on my assignment right now, it's worth 15% and is due in 2 days (and I have a test tomorrow) but I'm taking a break from physics to post this :)
> 
> Chapter title from This Town by Niall Horan

Ever since Piak had turned five and consequently decided that he was old enough to play with Jussipo all the time, it was uncommon to find Jussipo without Piak tagging along. To Jussipo’s great contempt, their parents almost always encouraged it. At the time, he’d seen it as favouritism, though with hindsight it was more likely that he was finally old enough to babysit his brother and give his parents a break.

Piak would spend hours pestering him and begging to play Knights together. Or more accurately, he would spend no more than five minutes begging before Jussipo gave in. As annoying as his brother could be sometimes, he did like playing with him. Besides, Piak was always so excited to be playing with his older brother that he would agree to be the squire every time they needed one without question.

One day it was just the two of them playing - Foldo had been told he had to finish his lessons first - and they were in the middle of an epic sword fight. Jussipo was going easy on Piak and the match was close. They swung their sticks back and forth, jumping over rocks and ducking under branches. Jussipo started to try a bit harder and began forcing Piak backwards as best he could.

The next thing he knew, Piak was falling. He lay on the ground, winded and struggling to breathe. Jussipo immediately knelt next to him, telling him to breathe out, helping him sit up. Resilient as he was, Piak leapt up the second the shock wore off, eager to finish the game with his brother. Jussipo was slower, heart still pounding as he considered the possibility of his little brother getting hurt because of him. If something worse had happened, would he have been able to help?

He insisted on double-checking that Piak was okay, that he hadn’t hit his head when he tripped, that he didn’t have any bruises. In return, Piak complained that he was fine and that Jussipo needed to stop worrying about him; he was big and strong too. Never one to admit how much he actually cared to his brother’s face, Jussipo joked that he was only making sure Piak was okay so that he wouldn’t rat him out to their parents.

Jussipo didn’t need to pretend to lose the next fight; guilt at what might have been still racking him. It wasn’t as though it was the first time Piak had been hurt while they played, nor was it the first time Jussipo had fussed over him after the fact.

Maybe Piak was right. Maybe he needed to stop thinking about these things so much. If he couldn’t control it, what was the point of worrying? Over the years, Jussipo taught himself to stop thinking about things he couldn’t control and slowly began to find it easier to joke about the types of situations that once would have had him worried sick.

* * *

Piak bounded up the stairs ahead of Jussipo, either unaware or uncaring that his brother was straining to hear him over their footsteps and the fact that Piak was facing away. When he reached the top of the staircase he turned around.

“Well? What do you think?” Piak looked like he had far too much energy for someone who had just run up all those stairs, especially when Jussipo did far more training and was still more tired. He told Piak as much.

“I think you have way too much energy for someone who ran up the stairs, talking all the way. I also think I didn’t hear a word you said Pipsqueak because you were facing away from me the whole time.”

Piak sighed - one that indicated long suffering as opposed to a single problem that he himself caused - and put his hands on his hips.

“I _said_ , we should play the game where we get to rescue a princess from the tower! We haven’t played that one in so long and I already know who the evil villain who kidnapped her can be!”

Jussipo paused. He had hoped Piak hadn’t noticed that they hadn’t played that one recently. It wasn’t necessarily that he had been avoiding it, per se, so much as desperately hoping Piak suddenly decided he never wanted to play it again.

The game itself was actually rather fun. It hadn’t escaped Jussipo’s notice that everyone expected him to act far more grown up now than they did only a few years ago. Where he used to resent playing with Piak for their age difference, he now relished it. Looking after Piak gave him an excuse to act like a child again. If anyone questioned it, Jussipo could claim that he was simply humouring his brother - after all, Piak was still eight. Rescuing a princess gave him a rare opportunity to mess around like a kid again.

He just didn’t think he wanted to rescue princesses.

It was hardly a critical part of the game, nor did anyone expect such a game to translate directly into real life. The fact that it was so insignificant was almost what made it worse though. Everyone always assumed that if a knight was a boy then he would rescue a princess. It wasn’t a big deal because everyone knew it. It was a fact of life. Jussipo just wasn’t sure he wanted it to be a critical part of his.

When he had first started resenting the idea, he had assumed that it was because it was unfair to assume that the princess couldn’t rescue herself. For years, he had pushed that thought away though, because they needed to rescue someone for their game, and besides, it didn’t matter that much anyway.

Eventually Jussipo started to realise there might be more to it than that. When the other boys his age started to talk about saving a girl so they could kiss her and live with her and marry her, Jussipo found he didn’t really care about any of that. Frankly, he couldn’t understand the fuss most of his friends made whenever they saw a girl that wasn’t one of their sisters.

Only when his mother’s friends visited did he start to think that there might be an alternative. After all, if Genevieve and Diana were able to be happy together even though they were both girls, surely that meant Jussipo might be able to be happy with a boy.

Once the idea had gotten into his head, he couldn’t get it out. At first it was just a concept - holes poked into a dam. The more he picked at the holes though, the bigger they became. The quicker they grew. It had only been a matter of time before the dam burst entirely.

The problem now was that Jussipo was well aware that he would rather spend his life with a boy than a girl but nobody else was. It was the reason he had stopped suggesting the princess-rescuing game. Every time he had to pretend something so normal for everyone else was _his_ normal, something felt wrong. He felt like he was lying, nevermind the fact that he had never actually said anything to indicate that their assumptions were right.

At Piak’s expectant face, Jussipo gave in. It wasn’t fair of him to say no to a game just because of his own confusing feelings. As he considered it though, he realised that maybe they could both have their way. If all that bothered him was that they were rescuing a _princess_ to marry, surely that could be changed.

Imitating his brother’s sigh from earlier, Jussipo pretended to be exasperated by Piak’s request. “Fine, I _suppose_ we can play it,” he summoned all the bravery he could before adding, “but only if we can save a prince this time.”

In response, Piak simply shrugged. “Okay, we can save a prince if you want. But if you get to choose that then I _definitely_ get to use my evil villain I was talking about!” With that, he was off again, talking Jussipo’s ear off about a King called Richard and his dragon that Piak had, for some reason or another, decided to name Tad Cooper.

Tuning out his brother’s incessant chatter, Jussipo thought about what had just happened. Piak hadn’t seemed to care at all that he’d wanted to change the princess to a prince. While he was glad that it hadn’t become awkward, part of Jussipo couldn’t help but feel as though it had warranted more of a reaction. He had just bared a part of himself to his brother that he hadn’t shared with anyone before - not even Foldo. He had been so worried for so long how people would react to it yet he had never considered that they wouldn’t react at all. It felt almost a little underwhelming.

Knowing that his brother didn’t think any differently of him felt nice though. With a smile, Jussipo followed along with Piak’s game until it was declared that they had gotten past Tad Cooper - at which point Jussipo questioned Piak’s announcement that they’d befriended the dragon by giving him belly rubs. He was met only with a glare and a sigh that told him his brother still thought he was an idiot for trying to contribute to the story. Hands raised in surrender, Jussipo promised not to interrupt again.

When they had rescued the prince a few minutes later, Piak turned to him, head tilted in question.

“If we’re rescuing a prince this time, does one of us still marry him at the end?”

Jussipo nodded. “That’s the point of it being a prince Pipsqueak. So I can marry a prince instead of a princess this time.”

“How come you get to marry him?” Piak exclaimed in indignation. “ _I_ helped save him too!”

Smothering the grin threatening to cover his face lest Piak ask why his sadness made him happy, Jussipo raised his eyebrows.

“Because _you_ married the princess last time? Because _I_ suggested that it could be a prince? Because I’m better at playing the lute than you so the prince will be happier with me? Need I go on?” When Piak swatted at him, Jussipo cuffed him right back. Eventually, Jussipo was allowed to marry the prince they’d saved.

As they headed towards the dining hall for dinner, Piak turned to him with delight.

“Next time we’re playing with Foldo we should play this game again and this time it’ll be better because there’ll be _three_ of us! We can have a proper wedding at the end!”

Jussipo made a point of ignoring the heat in his cheeks at the thought of it.

* * *

He called out to his mother that he was going for a ride and promptly left before she could tell him to bring his brother along. Today he was going to have a whole day to himself. Well, himself and Foldo.

It wasn’t as though Foldo ever seemed to resent Piak tagging along - quite the opposite, actually - which was precisely why Jussipo wanted the one day. Just one. He and Foldo had been friends for years but between the upcoming trials and Piak’s insistence on joining them in their spare time, it felt as though they hadn’t spent time together for weeks.

Insisting on having this time together was probably a terrible idea. Jussipo could admit that much. There wasn’t a shred of doubt in his mind that it would only solidify his growing feelings for his best friend, yet he didn’t have the self-control to stop himself. He knew that he should use the trials and subsequent extra training as an excuse to stay away until he could face Foldo without wanting more from their friendship, but he couldn’t bring himself to distance himself for so long.

Caught up in his thoughts as he was, Jussipo was mildly surprised he had made it to their meeting point intact. As he reached Foldo, the other boy saw him and smiled to his eyes; an act that never failed to take Jussipo’s breath away. His fingers itched to hold his lute and write a million songs about it, but he couldn’t. Strong as his feelings may be, they weren’t worth the risk of losing Foldo’s friendship altogether.

For years, the two of them had been practically inseparable. At first, it was simply that they lived close enough to each other that if one family was going to a social event, the other would too, making it a friendship of circumstance. It quickly developed into more. They began seeking each other out even when there were plenty of other children their age to play with and writing letters between events. As soon as they were old enough to ride alone, the boys would beg their parents to let them visit each other, often ending up spending the night.

Somewhere along the way, Jussipo’s heart had gotten confused and decided that friendship wasn’t enough. The descent had been gradual enough that he hadn’t noticed until it was too late; now he was stuck in the hell of wanting what would never be.

With a glance over at Foldo, Jussipo pushed his feelings down, reached for his lute, and started playing a song about how great a knight he was going to be. It wasn’t the song he’d wanted to play but it earned him an eye roll and a laugh from Foldo, so it was okay.

They dismounted their horses when they reached a clearing in the woods and, as it was wont to do, their friendly bickering quickly progressed to be more physical, with the boys shoving each other and ruffling each other’s hair. At the latter, Jussipo cried out indignantly. Foldo merely shrugged.

“You started it,” he stated, with all the authority as though he was telling Jussipo the sky was blue.

Jussipo raised his eyebrows. “ _I_ started it? I seem to remember _you_ being the first to shove _me_.”

“Yeah but you were being an ass, what was I supposed to do?” laughed Foldo.

“I was telling the truth and you know it.” Jussipo put a hand over his heart and took a step back from his friend. “I came out here to have a good time, and you come at me, attacking me with your hands _and_ words, with the audacity to call me an ass.”

Foldo opened his mouth to reply but someone else beat him to it.

“Mama says you’re not supposed to say that word.”

Whipping around, Jussipo glared at his brother. “What exactly do you think you’re doing here?”

Looking far too pleased with himself, Piak hopped off his horse. “I saw you leaving and didn’t want to get lonely at home. Being with you and Foldo is way more fun.”

Exasperated, Jussipo looked over to find his own expression mirrored on Foldo’s face. His heart leapt at the idea that Foldo might be frustrated for the same reason as him. He quickly banished that thought - there was no point in giving himself false hope. Before he could tell his brother in no uncertain terms to leave them alone though, Foldo sighed.

“You’re lucky we can’t send you back through the forest alone Pipsqueak. Next time you want to come along you have to ask; you can’t keep riding through here alone.”

“You and Sippo used to ride alone all the time when you were my age,” sulked Piak.

Jussipo rolled his eyes. “Riding along the main road when everyone knew where we were is completely different to sneaking out and riding through the forest and you know it. Did you even tell mama and pa where you were going?”

Piak pouted. “I’m not stupid Sippo. I told mama I was going with you just after you left.”

Foldo must have sensed that Jussipo wasn’t ready to drop the subject, because he put a hand on his shoulder and softly reminded him, “There’s nothing else we can do about it at the moment Jus.”

With a deep breath, Jussipo let himself be talked down, though not before turning back to his brother and making sure he knew that next time he wanted to come along he needed to tell Jussipo too.

The day had turned out to be a good one, though Jussipo had resented Piak’s presence there the whole time. Now he would give anything for his brother to be with him again.

He couldn’t count how many times he had shoved him away, told him to bugger off, wished he wouldn’t hang around so often. He couldn’t count how many times he regretted it now.

  
  


Foldo’s hand on his shoulder brought Jussipo back to the present. Someone was trying to move Piak away from him. He shrugged off Foldo’s hand and clung to his brother. All those times he’d wanted nothing more than for his brother to go away and here he was, doing everything he could to keep him close.

Again, Foldo reached out for him, this time putting an arm around Jussipo and turning him around into a hug. He was dimly aware that Foldo was talking to him, something about embalming and a proper burial back home, but he couldn’t focus on it. He didn’t want to focus on it. That would be like admitting that it had really happened. That Piak was dead.

He couldn’t be.

He was.

It was Jussipo’s fault, for letting him come with them. He should’ve made him go back home when they’d found him following them. He should have stopped him from coming into the castle with them. He should have done something to stop this.

He didn’t.

And now Piak was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- like I said at the end of the last chapter, I have a headcanon that as a little kid Piak struggled to say the letter J and so like lots of younger siblings gave his brother a nickname using the letters he actually could say. Hence Sippo. Now that he's older he only really calls him Sippo when they're with family or he's emotional/tired etc but at this point he considers Foldo family too because Jussipo and Foldo have been friends (and old enough to actively spend time together) as long as he can remember. Foldo's basically another brother to him  
>   
> \- Piak loves his brother to death (haha literally) (sorry) and much like I did with my sister, practically worships him. If Jussipo is doing something then Piak wants to do it too, age or ability or practicality be damned  
>   
> \- I had some other ideas for memories for Jussipo to be caught up in but couldn't figure out how to write them properly but they included the family singing and playing the lute and other various instruments together in the evenings (and Piak wanting to play the lute solely because Jussipo did) and Piak showing up to Jussipo's training and being super excited and proud of everything he does like he did at the trials  
>   
> \- For anyone who got the Galavant reference then firstly, you're a legend, and secondly, I was gonna say that the kidnapped prince they were saving was Galavant for a few reasons. a) Because it couldn't well be Madalena given that she's a girl which defeats the entire purpose of rescuing a prince instead of a princess and b) because let's be real that's lowkey what happened in season two anyway. Galavant may have been in charge of where they were going and why but Richard sure as hell wasn't gonna let him go anywhere without him and god forbid anyone try to separate them.


	3. Wouldn't Claim to Feel the Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re allowed to have moments of happiness you know.”
> 
> “I know.”
> 
> “Do you?”
> 
> (Last chapter!! Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it! :) )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter title is from To Noise Making (Sing) as well, because a) that song slaps and b) it's basically the theme song of Jussipo in this au and how he's learning to move on (though more after the ending of this but whatever)

The next few days were a blur for Jussipo. Somehow they had started the trip back to Dagonaut without him realising. He found it hard to care though. Years of practice had turned Jussipo into an expert at not thinking about things out of his control. His brother was already dead, so what good would thinking about it do now?

Every now and then Foldo would guide Jussipo to a table of food or a bed; his pleading eyes the only reason Jussipo forced himself to do whatever it was Foldo was asking of him each time. God knows he wasn’t doing it for himself.

Dimly, Jussipo registered that Arman and Tiuri were also hovering around him, none of the other novices leaving him alone save for when everyone was asleep. It was only then that Jussipo would let himself think about what happened. What he let happen. More than once, he let his guilt take over him, crying himself to sleep.

* * *

  
  


Sitting by the fire, Jussipo rested his head on Foldo’s shoulder. Everyone else had long gone to sleep, but the two were content to stay awake and bask in each other’s company.

They had all of them loved Piak, but it was Jussipo and Foldo who had been closest to him. He was their brother after all. They were taking it the hardest.

Despite the jolt of sadness at the memory of Piak sleeping just across from them last time it was just the two of them, Jussipo found he was glad for the time alone with Foldo. Leaning into Foldo’s side, Jussipo glanced up at his face. Sensing his gaze, Foldo looked back down at him.

“How are you feeling?” It was a question Jussipo was long sick of by now but he answered truthfully, knowing that Foldo cared enough to want a genuine answer.

“Right now? I think I’m actually okay. Well, relatively anyway.” He felt Foldo nod against him and heard him hum in agreement.

“Bet?”

For years the two of them had been using the word as a way to ask for each other’s thoughts. It had originated back when they were eight. Jussipo had been particularly quiet and pensive one day but every time Foldo tried to ask him about it he brushed it off, claiming it was nothing. Being eight, Foldo hadn’t learnt yet when to leave well enough alone, and had eventually ended up betting Jussipo sixpence that he wouldn’t tell him what he was thinking. Never one to back down from a bet - especially one where his life’s savings were on the line - Jussipo had given in. Ever since, whenever one of them wanted to know what the other was thinking they would bet sixpence that the other wouldn’t tell them.

Gradually, it became less about the money and more about the trust they had in each other. It was no longer a challenge but a reminder that one was always there for the other and they could always rely on each other for support when they needed to.

Though the phrasing had developed over the years - from  _ I bet you sixpence you won’t tell me what you’re thinking _ to  _ Bet you sixpence _ to simply  _ Bet _ \- the meaning remained constant. There were only a few times in Jussipo’s life he had even considered paying up instead. Neither ever had though.

“Do you remember when we used to play the save the princess game? And when Piak decided one day that we were going to save a prince instead?”

“And you were more hesitant to marry me than any time he’d made us get married with one of us as the princess?” Foldo nudged Jussipo in the side. “Of course I remember that. I still feel the sting of rejection every day.” He paused before adding, “Now that you mention it, it’s actually, um, why I thought you would never have any interest in me.”

Jussipo scoffed. “You numpty. I froze at the idea because it seemed so much more real when we were both princes than when there was a princess. I was terrified you’d find out that I wouldn’t have minded if it really were real.” Realising what he’d said, he hurried to clarify. “Not that I want to marry you or anything. Wait, no, that sounds terrible. I didn’t mean that I don’t ever want to, I just-” he buried his face in his hands and sighed. “You know what I mean, right?”

“No?”

He lifted his head to look at Foldo, not bothering to wipe the despair off his face at the prospect of getting himself out of the hole he’d already dug himself into, only to see Foldo grinning at him.

“I know what you mean, Jus. What were you trying to say before I reminded you of the trauma you inflicted on me?”

With a half-hearted shove, Jussipo continued. “I was thinking about how much life has changed since then. For starters, I’ve got the prince for real now.” This was accentuated by a kiss on the cheek and a soft smile. “But then…” His gaze drifted to the other side of the fire, where Piak should have been sleeping. After a beat, Foldo interrupted the silence.

“You’re allowed to have moments of happiness you know.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

Turning his head, Jussipo looked at Foldo as he continued.

“You say you know, but you didn’t pick up your lute for a week. I haven’t seen you smile - a proper smile, like you used to - for coming up two weeks now. Just because you’re hurting doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be happy. You being happy isn’t betraying him.”

When Foldo finished, Jussipo rested his head on his shoulder. These conversations were always easier when he didn’t look at whoever he was talking to. He could pretend that he wasn’t baring his soul.

“I know that. Logically, I do.”

“You know logic? Could’ve fooled me.”

Letting out a small laugh, Jussipo couldn’t help but wonder at how he had been so lucky as to have Foldo in his life. The gentle teasing and ribbing reminded him that Foldo wouldn’t treat him any differently. He was well aware that the others had been tiptoeing around him for the duration of the trip so far and couldn’t bring himself to care all that much. If Foldo had started to as well though, he would have hated it. He needed some semblance of normalcy.

When Foldo took his hand and gently squeezed it, Jussipo took it as an invitation to keep going.

“It’s just- knowing something logically is different to knowing it in your heart. I know  _ logically _ that I’m allowed to be happy. I know that Piak would be horrified to know I stopped joking around, playing the lute, being me because of this.” He paused. “Okay, he’d probably say he was happy that I’d stopped playing the lute, but the rest of my point still stands. It’s just that even though I know that, I still feel guilty every time I let myself be happy. As if I’m ignoring or forgetting what happened.”

“I know. And I know you know, and I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it’s not true. You’re not a bad person Jus, not for anything in your life and certainly not for being happy. And I’m going to keep telling you until it feels true, okay?”

With a squeeze to Foldo’s hand, Jussipo hummed his agreement.

“You’re incredible, you know that right?” Foldo pressed a kiss to the top of Jussipo’s head in response.

They sat together until the fire had burned to embers before lying down to sleep. For the first time since they had delivered the letter, Jussipo didn’t dream.

* * *

  
  


A little over a week later, they reached Dagonaut. Within minutes of being within the city walls, a crowd had formed, attempting to catch a glimpse of the Queen. It seemed that the public were yet to find out what had happened, as they barely spared a glance at any of the novices or Lavinia.

From his vantage point on his horse, Jussipo saw his parents pushing through the crowd. Although they were far from the only ones shoving their way forward, they were easy to spot. Nobody else was ignoring the Queen, instead searching the faces of those riding behind her carriage.

He turned to Foldo, ready to explain why he was about to leave, only to find Foldo already looking back at him.

“Go to them. I’ll let the others know where you went and join you when I can.”

With a heartfelt  _ thank you _ , Jussipo broke off from the rest of the parade at the next break in the crowd, catching his parents’ attention. They made their way through the crowd quicker than Jussipo would have thought possible, and soon they were right in front of him. Barely having the time to get off his horse, Jussipo was quickly wrapped up in a hug.

Though the Queen had sent a messenger ahead at the beginning of the journey home, Jussipo wasn’t sure if they had carried a message for his parents or not. He desperately hoped they had. He wasn’t sure he could face having to tell them what had happened to Piak. Even the thought of it made him sick as it brought his guilt back to the surface.

When they finally released him, Jussipo found himself unable to look his parents in their eyes. After all, it was his fault that their son was now dead. They mustn’t have heard of his fate yet either, or they wouldn’t still be so welcoming towards him, which meant Jussipo would have to tell them.

Did they even know where Piak had gone? Had he told them before he left to follow Jussipo or had he snuck away while nobody was watching? It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time he had done that. At least Jussipo had been given the chance to say goodbye. His parents had probably been afforded no such luxury.

Bracing for the inevitable, Jussipo looked up at his parents. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to see, but concern lacing their features and tears slipping down their cheeks wasn’t it. When he opened his mouth to explain the events of three weeks ago, nothing but a strangled sob came out.

Immediately, his mother pulled him into another tight embrace, quickly joined by his father.

“Oh Jussipo, it’s okay. We heard what happened - a messenger arrived two weeks ago with the news. It’s okay.”

He pulled away enough to look his mother in the eye for the first time since dismounting his horse. “How can you say it’s okay? If you know what happened then you know it’s not okay. I- I let him come with us. I didn’t do enough to stop him. I should never have let him come anywhere near the fighting but I did and now he’s-” Jussipo cut himself off. Three weeks, and he still hadn’t been able to bring himself to say it aloud. He dropped his eyes. “It’s all my fault. It’s not okay.”

“Now you look at me, Jus.” His mother’s tone left no room for argument. He looked up. “It is absolutely not your fault. Of course we wish this hadn’t happened, but you are not to blame. He made the decision to follow you and we all know how stubborn that boy can be when he wants- wanted to be. He was old enough to make his own choices. You are not at fault, you hear me?”

For the third time in minutes, Jussipo found himself in the arms of his parents. It felt wrong. Their family didn’t feel whole without Piak.

  
  


Later that night - having made their way back home amid tearful explanations of what had happened over the last month - Jussipo found himself standing outside Piak’s door. It wasn’t uncommon for there to be no noise coming from inside; Piak was often outside rather than in his room. Still, it felt different now. Now, it would never be noisy again.

Jussipo lifted his hand to open the door but stopped himself. Somehow it felt like an invasion of privacy, despite the number of times he’d burst into his brother’s room unannounced over the last ten - almost eleven - years.

He was still standing there, staring at the handle, when he heard familiar footsteps approaching. Foldo wrapped his arms around Jussipo from behind and rested his chin on top of his head as Jussipo leaned back into him.

“I thought I might find you here when you weren’t in your room,” murmured Foldo. Already comforted by Foldo’s presence, Jussipo hummed in response. They stood there quietly for a moment before Jussipo turned around.

“You know, when you said you’d be here when you can, I assumed you meant tomorrow at the earliest. It’s too late now for you to ride home, so I assume you’re planning on staying the night. Are you just  _ that _ desperate to see me that you’d wait another night to sleep in your own bed? After a whole month of sleeping on the forest floor?”

Foldo pulled back from Jussipo slightly, eyebrows furrowed in mock indignation. “Wait, you’re not giving me a bed? I’ve stayed here often enough that your parents usually keep a bed made up for me, and I don’t even get to use it tonight?”

“No, I said I’m not giving you your  _ own _ bed. You have to share tonight.” Hearing his voice, Jussipo was glad that he sounded much more confident than he felt. His nerves were a tangled mess, worrying that Foldo would say no, that he would have changed his mind about them now that they’re home.

As it was, it was Foldo whose nerves showed through, his face igniting. “I suppose I can manage that.”

  
  


When Jussipo woke in the morning, Foldo curled around him, he felt himself smile. Maybe everyone was right. It wasn’t yet, and he doubted it would be soon, but maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay one day after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- So I was doing some research on medieval currency and discovered (though to be fair I did only use one source) that they didn't actually use crowns in the middle ages but I also discovered that uhhhh Jussipo's lute? Is worth about $1700?? Because a crown (when they were used in the renaissance) was worth about $125 and his lute was nine crowns right? Which gives us $1125 but after inflation (because the website said it was the approximate equivalent in 2000) it's just under $1700. So basically no wonder boy was so protective of it holy shit
> 
> \- Also I didn't want to use the phrase penny for your thoughts because it's a different currency but turns out that pennies were first used even earlier than crowns so technically it wouldn't have been inaccurate. Especially since I also discovered that the first known written use of the phrase was in 1522 (albeit in much older english) and that's when they were using crowns so basically it would have been accurate for them to say penny for your thoughts but it's kinda like the Tiffany problem in that it sounds too modern to use in fantasy writing
> 
> \- Do I actually think Piak, age 10 (almost 11!) was old enough to make his own life or death decisions? Of course not. But this is set in a world where 15 year olds are considered old enough to be knights so sure, let's just bump back the ages of perceived maturity to fit the story
> 
> \- I desperately wanted to name something after a Lauv song and the original title of the fic was "In the Backseat to my Own Life" from Sad Forever but then I was writing this chapter and To Noise Making came on and I was just like "....shit. I have to change the title"
> 
> \- I was originally going to include the knighting ceremony in this and have Jussipo thinking about how Piak should have been getting knighted too but tbh I forgot about that as I was writing because this happened instead. I think it's very important to note though that I almost (as in, literally wrote it into the doc) included the "[Just George](https://www.tiktok.com/@nicholaspodany/video/6810906536198671621)" tiktok starring Jussipo as George and Foldo as the Queen/Beatrice (I was very much debating whether it should be as they were leaving and Foldo could be both or whether to do it during the actual ceremony and have Jussipo as George, Queen Alianor as the Queen, and Foldo and Tiuri as Beatrice and William. But let's be real, Jussipo isn't dumb enough to actually say anything like that to the Queen's face)
> 
> \- Anyway, thank y'all so much for reading this, I had fun writing it (it's a great uhhh... break... from writing reports for uni (aka I used it to procrastinate and made life much harder for myself when the reports were actually due this last week XDD) but hey, I still got them done on time! Which given that I was up until ass-o'clock this morning trying to make the physics work right I'm surprised about XDD) and I'm glad I had enough motivation to finish it! Any thoughts, advice, yarns, let me know in the comments, I'm always keen for a chat :)


End file.
